I think one of the strangest things about growing older is realizing that the things you once called exciting can eventually become the very things you pray to escape from. There was a time when chaos felt like connection, when constant communication felt like closeness, when drama made a friendship or relationship feel alive. You could mistake intensity for love, attention for care, and familiarity for something that was actually good for you.
But then you heal.
And suddenly, the things you used to tolerate start exhausting you. The gossip isn’t funny anymore. The passive aggression isn’t something you want to decode. The inconsistent behavior isn’t intriguing. The emotional roller coaster isn’t exciting. It’s just tiring. You start craving people who are consistent, honest, emotionally mature, and comfortable enough with themselves that they don’t need to create chaos just to feel connected to you.
I think healing changes your taste in people because it changes your relationship with yourself. When you finally learn what peace feels like, you become protective of it. When you learn to respect yourself, you stop entertaining people who constantly make you question your worth. When you stop needing validation, you stop chasing people who only give it to you in small doses.
And yes, sometimes that makes your circle smaller.
Some people will even call you boring. They’ll wonder why you don’t react the way you used to. They’ll wonder why you’re suddenly walking away from conversations you once participated in. They may not understand that you didn’t become boring. You simply became tired of paying for temporary excitement with your peace.
I’ve reached a point where I don’t want relationships that require me to constantly recover from them.
I want friendships that feel safe. Conversations that don’t leave me questioning what was really meant. People who can communicate instead of manipulate. People who can celebrate me without competing with me. People whose presence doesn’t require me to abandon parts of myself just to keep the relationship alive.
Maybe that’s what healing really is.
Not becoming someone who doesn’t need people, but becoming someone who finally knows what kind of people are worth letting in.
And honestly, I’m okay with losing connections that can only survive the version of me who didn’t know better.
I’d rather have a smaller circle and a quieter life than a crowded one that constantly costs me my peace. 💚