I think one of the things we learn as we get older is that not every connection needs to be given the title of friendship. Some people are classmates, some are colleagues, some are people we used to know, and some are simply people we happen to cross paths with in life. There is nothing wrong with that. I used to think being friendly with someone automatically meant we were friends, but I understand now that friendship is something deeper. It requires trust, consistency, effort, respect, and a genuine interest in each other’s lives. It isn’t simply about how long you’ve known someone, how many photos you’ve taken together, or how often you happen to be in the same room.
You can be kind to everyone without giving everyone access to you. That is something I had to learn the hard way. Sometimes we confuse familiarity with friendship. We assume that because someone has been around for a long time, they must care about us. But time alone doesn’t create loyalty. Proximity doesn’t create trust. And knowing someone for years doesn’t necessarily mean they truly know you. I’ve become much more intentional about the people I call my friends, not because I’ve become cold, but because I’ve learned that the word means something to me. If I call you my friend, I mean that I trust you, I care about you, and I genuinely want good things for you even when I’m not around. I can celebrate your wins without feeling threatened by them, and I can tell you the truth without trying to tear you down. And I expect the same in return.
So yes, I’ll still be kind. I’ll still smile. I’ll still talk to people and enjoy their company. But I’ve stopped feeling guilty about knowing the difference between someone I know and someone I truly trust. That isn’t bitterness. That’s maturity. Sometimes growing up simply means learning that not everyone needs a seat at your table just because they once sat beside you.